Intoxicating
by Pinkie Tuscadaro
Summary: Sheldon's drunken night at the awards banquet, and Penny takes him home. Sheldon and Penny.
1. Chapter 1

I watched Sheldon on stage half horrified and half amused. That boy could not hold his liquor. Wine. Whatever. Did I feel a little guilty for these unfolding events? I was the one who suggested he drink the wine to combat his stage freight and fear of fainting. Now look. There was almost this manic look in his eyes. Would he remember any of this tomorrow?

Raj, Howard, and Leonard all had the same half horrified, half amused look I did. We couldn't take our eyes off of him. What would he say or do next?

"Penny, can you believe this?" Raj said to me, and I heard the slur in his words. Sheldon was taking his pants off and kicking them across the stage, and I started to feel really guilty. I'd never let him drink again, I promised to someone, to God or myself or Sheldon. Never again.

Now some vaguely official looking guy was dragging Sheldon off the stage despite his protests. Poor Sheldon. Leonard pushed his glasses up his nose and licked his lips. Raj nearly feel backwards in his chair, he was really drunk.

"Okay," Leonard said, and I knew he had a plan, he had a way to salvage something from this night.

"Howard, you bring Raj home, he doesn't look well enough to drive," Raj smiled a goofy smile at that and Howard gave him a frustrated look, but he nodded.

"Penny, you find Sheldon back stage and bring him home, here," he said, struggling to get his apartment key off of his key ring, "I'm going to go smooth this over with the university officials,"

I blinked, suddenly worried about Sheldon's job.

"They won't fire him, will they?" I said, biting my lip.

"No, of course not. He's too valuable to the university. But this will require some smoothing over, don't worry, I'll take care of it," I was thankful for Leonard and his plan, and we all stood up, ready to put it into action. Howard put his arm around Raj as he stumbled. Leonard headed for the offices of the officials, or wherever they were, I was sure Leonard knew. And I headed backstage to collect Sheldon and bring him home.

I went up the three stairs that led to the side of the stage and pushed aside the dusty velour curtain. I blinked in the dimness and saw Sheldon, protesting being dragged off stage to a baffled looking guy in a suit. He wasn't wearing his pants and I didn't see them, didn't have time to look for them.

"Excuse me," I said, smiling slightly, touching the baffled looking guy's arm. He turned to me, looking like a deer in headlights.

"Penny," Sheldon said, looking at me through half closed and drunk eyes, "tell him that I wasn't finished my speech, tell him-"

"Okay, sweetie," I said reassuringly, hoping he would be quiet for a moment.

"I'm Penny, Sheldon's friend, and I'm going to bring him home now," I told the guy. He looked relieved.

"Good. Take him," he said, and I glanced around once more for his pants but didn't see them, and he started ranting again, and I couldn't understand much of it. When he was sober, I could see now, he spoke in a way that maybe you could understand, but drunk that went away, and none of it made any sense. He was using a lot of physics terms, and some foreign language that might have been Latin. Jesus, he was odd.

"Sheldon, c'mon," I said, trying to pull him away, trying to get him to come with me. He shrugged out of my grasp.

"Sheldon!" I said, taking his arm firmly and pulling him with me. I got him to the car and helped him into the seat.

"Where are we going?" he said, confusion filling those large blue eyes of his.

"Home. We're going home,"

I got in the car and pulled out into traffic. I thought he might be drunk enough to pass out, but he didn't. He watched the passing scenery out his window and he was blessedly quiet. Good. Maybe he would just go home and go to sleep. If he did pass out in this car I didn't know how I'd get him up all those flights of stairs or even out of the car. He was skinny but he was tall, and he outweighed me by at least 20 pounds.

We made it, and I wondered how Leonard was doing with his "smoothing over". I parked the car and then went to Sheldon's door and helped him out.

"C'mon, we have a lot of stairs to go up," I said, putting my arm around his waist. He was so thin, I could feel his hip bones jutting into me. He was leaning on me a bit too much up the stairs, and I felt like I was almost dragging him up the stairs.

"Sheldon, can you stand up more, you're crushing me," I said, holding onto him with one hand and gripping the bannister with the other.

"Sorry," he said, and he let up. We made it to his apartment and I let go of him to dig Leonard's key out of my pocketbook. I unlocked the door, half hoping Leonard would be home, but the place was dim and empty.

"Leonard!" I called, stepping inside, Sheldon following me. He stumbled, bumping into the couch. No answer. I could tell by the deadness of the air that no one was here.

"Sheldon, c'mon, time to go to bed," I said, tugging on his sleeve, and he came with me as I lead him to his bedroom. It was excruciatingly neat, everything in its place. I felt like my room, my whole apartment would be good if it was half as neat as this room. Every knick knack on every shelf gleamed. Every book and every DVD was alphabetized.

Sheldon stood in the doorway, and I noticed again that he was quite handsome. I'd noticed it when he put on that black suit in the store, I noticed how the black sheen of the suit brought out the pale blue of his eyes. I sucked in my breath. My God, he was good looking. And was I imagining the look in his eyes? I knew lust and desire when I saw it, and I felt pinned in his blue stare.

"Sheldon," I said softly, and he came toward me.

"Penny," he said in a low and throaty way, a way I had never heard him use before.

"No one can be in my bedroom," he said, and it was almost ironic, the way he said it and kept coming toward me, forcing me back into his bed and there was nowhere to go so I sat on the bed, my legs spread slightly under my long gown. I looked up at him, at his eyes looking down at me, and there was drunkenness in them and there was desire, and I swallowed hard, realizing I had never actually thought of him like this, like a man capable of animal wants and needs.

He leaned in toward me, he was going to kiss me. I felt a kind of soft shock as his lips grazed mine, and I felt this electric little charge. Was I actually kissing Sheldon? He kind of crawled onto the bed over me, forcing me to lay down under his weight, and the kiss deepened, and I flicked his tongue away with mine.

"Sheldon," I said between kisses, and instead of answering his mouth covered mine again, and there was nothing I could do but kiss him back. But it was so unexpected, so new, that it was intoxicating to be kissing him, as intoxicating as all the wine I had drank at that banquet.


	2. Chapter 2

Was I actually kissing Sheldon? Sheldon Cooper? I closed my eyes, opened my mouth, felt the delicate way he explored it with his tongue. How did he know how to do this? I felt my breathing start to deepen, I felt my mind start to wander in that way it did when I was really turned on. Turned on by Sheldon? What was happening? Sure, he was good looking, he had those incredible blue eyes, so light and pale in the sun or bright light, darker and nearly green in dimly lit rooms. Sure, he had those long exquisite fingers, which at this very moment were trailing over my neck and trailing down to the edge of my gown. I could feel his weight on me, crushing in such a good way. I could feel the slight circular motion of his hips as his hand curved behind the back of my neck and he nibbled on my ear, causing such a chill to race up my spine.

What was I doing?

But had I done it? No, I didn't think I did. He did this. He climbed on top of me and started kissing me.

The wine I had drank helped. I could relax and feel the way his hands cupped my breasts through the thick shiny material of the gown I wore. I could feel the way his tongue flicked against my tongue, I could hear the deepness of his breathing, the gasps of breaths between kisses. I could trail my fingers through his short hair, feeling each smooth strand.

I'd always thought Sheldon didn't have a deal, and if he did I thought he might be...I didn't know. Maybe gay. But he never seemed to show any interest in anyone. Least of all me. But was that true? As I sighed and felt his mouth traveling from my ear lobe down my neck, so gently, just the slightest whisper of pressure against the side of my neck, the chill racing down to my toes. I thought about the day I met him, the shy way he said hi and looked down, almost hiding behind Leonard. I thought of the way he stood next to that crazy board of equations and the way his eyes lit up when I asked him if he was one of those beautiful mind guys. He was flirting with me that day, even if he didn't know it.

"Sheldon..." I said, barely breathing his name. Did I want him to stop? I didn't think so, it felt too good, like he knew just how to touch me and just how much pressure to apply, he knew things, more things than I had ever given him credit for.

He only murmured in response to his name, and I wondered just how drunk he was. I knew he hardly ever drank alcohol. I knew what tended to happen to him when he did. He'd get out of control and behave in a way that was out of character. Did I want that to happen? Is that why I handed him that glass of wine and then another? Did I want to see if I could make him take any part of that suit off? Did I secretly want him to ravage me? He was the unobtainable one, always lost in all his equations.

His hand was resting on my knee under my dress, and I hoped he'd move it up further and I was afraid he would. How far would he go? How far was I willing to let him go? Right now, the wine tingling up my bloodstream, the reasoning center of my brain feeling a bit off kilter, I felt willing to let him go all the way. In these type of situations I was usually the one in control, but now, with his hand steadily moving from my knee up my thigh, I felt deliciously out of control.

Leonard could come home at any moment, my boyfriend Leonard. The thought filled me with a panic that only heightened the feeling of Sheldon's hand against my nerve endings, it only heightened the soft feeling of his tongue against mine, it only heightened the sensation of his breath against my exposed skin.

I squirmed under Sheldon's weight, and he moved somehow with and against me, and he pinned my wrists down on his bed and kissed me with more force, and when I twisted my wrists in his grasp he tightened up ever so slightly. I closed my eyes, felt them falling shut, felt myself to be in an almost free fall of ecstasy, never knowing what he would do next but only knowing that it would feel so incredibly good. Things never felt this good with Leonard.

What in the world was I doing?


	3. Chapter 3

His hand was on my knee again, underneath my gown. I sucked in my breath. I felt his hand slowly traveling up, his thumb on the inside of my thigh. He kissed my neck as his hand so slowly made its way higher, and everything he did caused this tingling. Was this Sheldon? How could it be? He never even let people touch him, had he ever touched anyone before this?

But he had hugged me.

I could cry to think of it, if I was in a certain mood. That hug at Christmastime over that silly napkin that Leonard Nimoy had signed. I could remember the way he had trembled as he put his arms around me, and I remembered how good he smelled, like the cleanest forest.

That was last year, when I thought I might have been the first girl he had ever hugged, and now this? He knew how to do this? His long fingers brushing my panties aside, and the circular motion around my clitoris. Just the right amount of pressure, just the right amount of everything, and I felt like I would let him do anything right now.

"Sheldon..." I wanted to ask him how he knew, who taught him, why didn't I know he knew this? But I could barely speak.

"Sheldon, how...how do you know...how to do this...?" Every word on a deep exhalation, and it felt like little stars were bursting in front of my eyes, he'd bring me to this brink of pleasure and then back off just to build it up again.

"I read it," he said, his voice low, almost a growl. I'd never heard him speak like this, I'd never heard him when he wasn't using that snotty tone, that condescending lilt to his words.

"You read it?"

I let my head fall back and I closed my eyes, a little tiny worry about Leonard coming in on us filling the back of my head like static. Every time I thought of Leonard I couldn't help feeling guilty in the best way, naughty guilty, and more aroused because of that.

"I read how to do this...now shhhhhhh," he said, and he continued to explore and press and elicit responses I didn't even know I was capable of, no one had ever made me feel like this before, and I had had a lot of lovers.

Lovers. Was Sheldon about to be my lover?

I realized what inexperienced boys my other lovers had been, how many of them weren't interested in pleasing me, only themselves. That quick slamming into me in the back of cars and pick up trucks, that drunken groping and grabbing at me when the bars closed, the rough kisses, the quickies in coatrooms and hotel bathrooms, what experience did that leave me with? Numb lips and bruised thighs and dented self esteem. That's what it left.

But Sheldon was drunk and he had to be inexperienced, although it didn't feel like it as my body responded to him, to every expert touch, to every degree of pressure that felt designed to pull forth this sublime falling apart, this painless ripping of every molecule.

"Sheldon..." I said his name softly because it was all that I could think of to say, and I didn't want him to stop, and I didn't care if Leonard came home and walked in on us a thousand times because this was worth it.

I wanted this, wanted him to keep doing what he was doing and do more, do anything and everything he had read and apparently absorbed and became an expert in, and I would let him have sex with me right here on his bed because I was drunk, too, and I'd always thought he was beautiful, if the truth be told.

I thought he was beautiful, the shape and shade of his eyes and the way his fingernails were neatly trimmed and the lighter half moons I could see on each one, and the crooked smile he had but he didn't smile that much. I liked the shape of his lips and the angle of his nose and the way he would nervously fiddle with the edge of his sleeves or the strap of his bag if something had him worried or upset.

I would let him have sex with me because of that and despite the fact that I was actually dating Leonard and having sex with Leonard, not him. I would let him but he did this, he started kissing me and doing these these things and I was drunk and weak and feeling too good to start feeling bad.

Would he ask, I wondered, almost out loud. He hadn't asked about any of this leading up to it, and that was certainly where we were headed. He hadn't asked and I had to admit I kind of liked that, liked this unexpected side that I never in a million years would have believed he possessed.

I might have been wrong but through the haze of pleasure and the low moans that Sheldon was making I thought I heard the sound of the apartment door quietly opening, and I thought I heard the sound of soft footsteps, tentative footsteps, and in another second I wouldn't be surprised at all to hear Leonard's voice ringing out our names.


	4. Chapter 4

I could hear someone walking. I could hear his footsteps, each one clear as a little school bell in my head. Leonard was here, Leonard would walk in on us any minute. He'd be hurt, I'd see his hurt face, his eyes crinkling behind his glasses. But this felt so good. Everyplace that Sheldon touched was perfect, he was doing things that no one ever had, it was slow and it was almost excruciating but in the best way, I wanted to almost scream but I only moaned, so sure that Leonard would hear that, hear us, that he could hear every rustle of my dress.

"Sheldon, Leonard's home..." Sheldon only glanced up at me, his blue eyes piercing into my soul and his fingers still moved with some choreographed design, some genius physics touching that felt like magic to me. It didn't matter that Leonard was home, I couldn't stop him. I was not in control here, and I hadn't been from the moment he kissed me. I was malleable. I would let him do whatever he wanted to do, and I saw no way to stop him.

I heard his footsteps in the hall, I heard him open a door. His bedroom door, the bathroom door? My stomach twisted up in nervousness. Sheldon had lifted my dress, he hooked his thumbs into the waistband of my panties and was slowly slipping them off, and I squirmed, knowing what was coming even as Leonard stood in the hall, knowing everything he would ever need to know from the sound of my breathing, from the sound of the blinking of my eyes.

"Sheldon, Leonard's here..." Was there panic in my voice? But I still didn't want him to stop, so I would warn him about Leonard but I wouldn't tell him no. Please, Sheldon, I thought, please, don't stop.

I heard more footsteps, but I couldn't tell which way they were going, toward us or away? I couldn't tell as Sheldon slipped his underwear off, and I noticed the way the top buttons of his dress shirt were undone and the loose way his tie hung around his neck. I licked my lips, willing Sheldon to make love to me, to slip it into me, Sheldon, I still couldn't believe it. Had he ever done this before or had he read about it, too?

I was straining my ears to hear every creak of every floorboard out in the hall, straining to hear Leonard's hand wrapping around the doorknob. I could see every shade of blue in Sheldon's eyes.

I watched him close those eyes and lean toward me, over me, lean into me and kiss me again, like I was never kissed before, slow and gentle and with enough force, his tongue exploring, not invading, even his kisses made me melt like wax. I could hear the faint noise of the T.V. in the living room and for a moment I felt safe. Leonard wasn't peering through the key hole, he didn't have a glass to the door.

I felt the wine sloshing around my head, I felt everything tinged with an unreality. I felt Sheldon slip into me, and I breathed in. The rate, the rhythm, the way he hit that certain spot again and again, how I felt every nerve ending shriveling and expanding, how I felt like I was climbing something, getting to some kind of summit, and I knew I had never experienced anything like this, I'd never been made love to like this.

All the other men I'd had sex with, was it inexperience or uncaring? I wasn't sure but I remembered every time they would slam into me, causing more pain than pleasure. But this. Sheldon's hips moving up and down as he hit that spot, as he adjusted how he moved based on my rate of respirations and the way I sighed and moaned. I never imagined it could be like this. I wrapped my arms around him, feeling the bones of his shoulders through his clothes.

Things burst and swelled inside of me, I felt every last shudder from the roots of my hair to the tips of my toes, every after shock of this orgasm was like a mini-earthquake inside of my soul. I felt Sheldon stiffen and tense with his own orgasm, the look on his face the same as all the other men and boys, that grimace of what appeared to be pain, his eyes squeezed shut.

He climbed off of me and laid next to me, and I could still hear the T.V. playing faintly from the next room. He brushed a strand of my hair away from my face and I looked at him in amazement.

"Sheldon, I-" I started to say when I heard the creak of the floorboard that was right outside his door. I froze mid-sentence, the words drying up, my mind blank except for the panic. Leonard.

"Sheldon! Are you here!"

I shook my head at him, not wanting him to answer, or wanting him to give me time to hide in his closet or under his bed. I couldn't deal with Leonard right now, my head was spinning. I was already planning for when me and Sheldon could do this again.


	5. Chapter 5

There was this still moment, it's hard to describe. There was this moment where it felt like time stopped, the time between the blinks of Sheldon's eyes was hours, days, years. Leonard was outside of Sheldon's door, and I froze in the still moment, knowing there wasn't enough time to hide or change anything or go back in time and undo it.

The door opened and Leonard stood there in the doorway and I could see him seeing it all. He saw my panties in a crumpled little mess by the side of the bed, he saw Sheldon naked from the waist down, he saw the look in my eyes. He was putting it all together. His eyes crinkled up behind his glasses, just as I predicted, but then they filled with tears.

"Sheldon?" Leonard said, and I saw that I was being ignored for now, or disregarded. This would be between them. Sheldon found his underwear and pulled them on. He stood up, towering over Leonard.

"Sheldon, you fucked Penny?" I sucked in my breath at that harsh phrasing. That wasn't it, that wasn't it at all, it was tender and sweet and magical. I shook my head, wondering what I had seen in Leonard, although I knew he was angry and hurt and that was why he said it that way, to hurt me. Maybe to hurt Sheldon, but he must know that words can't hurt him like that. Sheldon couldn't interpret his tone, his scraped raw tone of anger and bewilderment.

"Yes," Sheldon said, and he sounded calm. Was he unaware that this situation would make Leonard angry? He must be aware of at least that. I watched them with wide eyes, so hurt for Leonard and scared for Sheldon. I didn't know what I was for myself.

"How...how could you do that?" Leonard said, standing his ground, staring up at Sheldon.

Sheldon took a moment to formulate his answer while pulling a pair of pants from his dresser draw. He pulled them on, his everyday beige pants, contrasting with his dress shirt and black jacket.

"Well, I suppose that the amount of alcohol I ingested lowered my inhibitions to the point where I was not self conscious about acting on my desire for Penny," He was so calm, and Leonard was falling apart even as he struggled to hold his ground. Tears were slipping down beneath the thick black frames of his glasses.

"What? You, you're attracted to Penny?"

"Yes, she is sexually attractive, and she's nice to me, and we were only friends due to certain circumstances, but the opportunity arose tonight-"

"No," Leonard said, taking a step toward Sheldon, "no, you don't, Sheldon, you don't do that...God, you don't sleep with your best friend's girlfriend. How is it that you don't know that?" Leonard's voice was shaking, and I wished this wasn't happening. But I thought again about how I didn't initiate it with Sheldon and I wouldn't have. It wouldn't have occurred to me, despite thinking that he is attractive. A lot of people were attractive. But I did nothing to stop it.

"Well, I suppose I was hoping you wouldn't find out," Sheldon said, still calm. It was that calmness that seemed to be getting to Leonard. His face was red and working, and his hands were clenching and unclenching into tight fists.

"You hoped I wouldn't find out," Leonard repeated, and I looked from one to the other. Leonard's face was twisted, distorted, red with anger. Sheldon was drunk, but calm, his pale skin flawless.

Leonard shoved Sheldon, a sudden violent shove, knocking him off balance and to the floor. Before Sheldon could stand up Leonard went over to him and started punching him, and I saw Sheldon put his arms up to block his face. I watched, resisting the urge to start screaming.

Sheldon had curled up into a fetal position, curled protectively to ward off Leonard's blows. I could intervene, grab Leonard's arm and hope he didn't turn his punches on me.

"Leonard!" I hissed, and he looked at me for the first time since he entered the room. The sound of his name seemed to bring him to his senses and he saw Sheldon curled up on the floor. He gave me this look, this hurt, angry, confused look. I don't think anyone had ever looked at me like that before.

He left. He left me in the wake of that look, slamming the door behind him, and I heard him stomp across the apartment floor and leave, slamming the door to the hall. I took a deep breath and prepared to deal with Sheldon.

I got off the bed and onto the floor where Sheldon still lay curled up, and I wondered how hurt he was. I touched his back and felt him tense up under my touch.

"Sheldon, he's gone,"

He turned over and I saw the beginnings of a pretty bad black eye, and his lip was starting to puff up under the thin layer of blood.

"Are you okay?" I said. He touched his index finger to his bloody lip and winced. But he nodded at me.

"Penny, I've been beaten up many times in school. I'm fine,"

Still, I helped him to the bed, and he wasn't as fine as he was saying. Leonard could have fractured or broken one or several of his ribs.

"Leonard..." I said, not sure what to say about it. Leonard. Where did we go from here? What did we do now?


	6. Chapter 6

I wished I wasn't so drunk. I wished I had used my head and didn't let any of this happen. I wished I was smarter, I felt so dumb right now. Sheldon sat next to me on the bed, his eye puffing up where Leonard had hit him, his lip bleeding. He was holding his side, wincing.

I felt so edgy and nervous, what was I going to do now? What about Leonard? Leonard probably hated me now. I hung my head. What should I do? Dump him and start dating Sheldon? How would that work, exactly? Amazing sex every once in a while and then things would just be the way they always were?

I squinted at Sheldon. This was his fault. It was his fault for taking me off guard and kissing me like that. It was his fault for not understanding any social rules whatsoever. But how could I blame Sheldon? I should have known, I did know, but I didn't care.

I licked my lips. I'd have to break it off with Leonard, or let him break it off with me, and some relationship with Sheldon still didn't seem like a possibility, even though I could still feel the aftershocks of the most amazing orgasm I'd ever had.

I stood up, slipped back into my panties, pulled my dress down. I tilted Sheldon's chin up, making him look at me. I saw those blue eyes, one watering and discolored, the other perfect, staring calmly at me.

"Sheldon, I'm gonna go," I said, and he jerked his head away from me, looked down.

"Alright," he said.

"Maybe you should sleep at my apartment tonight," I said, thinking of Leonard maybe killing him in his sleep.

"Why?" he said, genuine confusion in his eyes.

"Because of Leonard, maybe he's still mad..."

"I'll lock my door," he said, and I nodded. That would be okay, I supposed. I took a deep breath, knowing I'd have to leave this room and possibly face Leonard again. I didn't think I could.

"Bye, Sheldon," I said, and I kissed his cheek. He didn't respond, he just stared up at me. I swallowed and I could hear it, I heard the lump in my throat going reluctantly down. I'd have to go. I couldn't stay in here forever.

I pushed on the door, listened to the minute squeak of the hinges. I crept out into the hall, feeling like a fugitive and a whore. The hall was dark, the living room was dark. Leonard wasn't here. Maybe he was in his room or maybe he left, but I wouldn't have to face him at this moment. I closed my eyes and uttered thanks, and then I left their apartment and went to my own.

The morning was no better. I awoke with the guilt trapped in my throat, making it hard to breathe. How could I do that to Leonard? What was wrong with me? But it felt so good, it was so unexpected, it was so exquisite, and Sheldon was so gorgeous. There was never much reason to think that, or to dwell on it, or even to notice it. But I noticed it now. His clear blue eyes, the shape of his lips, the long lines of his limbs.

That didn't matter. Leonard mattered, Leonard with his hurt little eyes behind his thick glasses, Leonard with the crack in his voice, the tears sliding down his cheeks. I caused that, I did it, and I didn't like feeling so guilty. This wasn't high school where these things didn't really matter.

I got up, made some coffee, paced in front of my couch, let the silly T.V. voices wash over me. I would avoid them, both of them, that's what I'd do. What else could I do? I didn't think Leonard would kill Sheldon, he'd hit him and that would be that. I hoped. I shook my head. I'd go to work, I'd go about my routine without them. I couldn't deal with this, with them, with either of them. I felt like a toy that each had a hold of, and both were tugging, and I could feel myself being ripped apart.

I went to work, mindlessly bringing people their food and then clearing it away. I barely saw anyone at the tables as I took their orders on autopilot. I was starting to feel numb, but I wanted to. I couldn't take feeling so torn, so bad, so guilty. I wanted numbness to come and save me, to fill every crevice and let me off the hook.

My shift was ending, and my hair was coming out of the tight ponytail strand by strand. I felt the tips creating a slight bulge in my pocket, I felt the slight ache in the arches of my feet. I was ready to go home, ready to fall in my bed and sleep a dreamless sleep.

I was heading toward the back of the restaurant to get my coat when I saw a familiar figure at the bar. Dark messy hair, hoodie sweatshirt under a jean jacket. Converse sneakers and jeans. Leonard. I sucked in my breath. I had to face him. I marched over to the bar, touched his back.

"Leonard?" I said, and when he turned toward me all the anger from last night was gone, and his eyes were red from crying. He looked so devastated, and I felt devastated, too. I bit my lip and looked down.

"Penny," he said, his voice scraped raw.


	7. Chapter 7

I sat down on the stool next to him, feeling like I was some kind of a balloon with all the air leaving it. I hadn't wanted this to happen, I hadn't planned on it. I don't know how I could have planned on it. Sheldon? Never in a million years did I think I'd have sex with Sheldon, or that Leonard would know, or that I would be facing him at the end of my shift, running on guilt and caffeine alone.

"Penny," he said again, my name like some sort of recrimination. I pressed my lips together and just looked at him. I had nothing to say.

"I've thought about it, about things, about what you did with Sheldon...and...I think we should break up," Tears welled in his eyes and one slipped and ran down his cheek. He was so different from any other boy I'd dated, none of them ever cried in front of me. I nodded. If that was what he wanted than that was what he wanted, and I couldn't blame him. How could I blame him?

"Okay," I said, and I stood up and nearly ran away.

In my apartment that night, wrapped up in my fuzzy robe and clinging to my glass of wine, I just let the tears slip down my face. Leonard had never been anything but wonderful to me and I just, just, slept with his roommate. I slept with him because I was drunk and so was he and I was so surprised that I couldn't stop anything, and what sort of reasons were those? And what about Sheldon? Did he even, I didn't know, did he even like me or was it just...some sort of experiment?

I heard the knocks at my door and wondered if it was Leonard or Sheldon, and would I be willing to let in either of them. I didn't know. I wanted to ignore the knocks, ignore myself and them and just drink my wine. Leave me alone, I thought at the door. Leave me alone.

"Penny?" More knocks, "Penny?"

It was Sheldon. I sipped my wine and let the rest of his knocking ritual play out, and then I sighed and set my wine down on the coffee table and padded over to the door.

I swung the door open and saw him standing in the hall, his head down. He was dressed as usual, comic book superhero T-shirt over a long sleeved shirt, plaid pants. I didn't know if I was going to let him in or say anything. I remembered the way his hands felt on my body, the way it all felt, so slow and exquisite. I felt myself blushing, the red color burning in my cheeks. I stood there and stared at him staring down.

"Penny, can I come in?" he said, and I noticed that the typical arrogance in his voice was missing, and he sounded...I didn't know. Different.

"Okay," I said, and stood aside so he could come in. He sat on the edge of my couch and I sat back where I was and picked up my wine glass. I felt my heart beating hard. Was I thinking we could have a replay of the other night? Was I hoping for that and looking forward to it?

"Penny," he said, and I could tell he had a whole speech planned. I wasn't sure I was up for a Sheldon speech, but I'd let him in and now I had no choice. I should let him have his say, if he had one. But didn't anyone want to hear mine?

"Leonard explained certain things, certain aspects of this situation that I was unaware of, and I realize that it wasn't proper behavior to have sex with you, considering that you and Leonard were dating at the time, and that I have broken certain unspoken rules of friendship with Leonard. He is willing to forgive me because he understands that I was not aware of all of this, because the interactions between people are difficult for me to grasp," He looked up at me with a look of, I didn't know, of vulnerability. I knew this about Sheldon, it was common knowledge and if you spent just one afternoon with him you know this, and I knew that he knew it, too, but I had never heard him say it, admit to any kind of fault.

"What I want to say is that I'm sorry if my actions were unacceptable to you,"

I looked at him, at his clear blue eyes, his pale skin. Poor Sheldon. This situation was more complicated than he could fathom. How could I begin to explain it to him?

"Listen to me," I said, taking one of his hands. He looked down at my hand lightly grasping his.

"I could have stopped you, but I didn't, so on some level I wanted to do that with you. I'm sorry it hurt Leonard, too, but I'm not sorry we did that, Sheldon,"

"You're not?" In this area he was so inexperienced, and I liked that. Usually he acted like he knew everything about everything, and I had kind of thought that he did. He was the smartest person I had ever met, and when he talked about science stuff I couldn't even follow along, I didn't know any of the words he used and if I had maybe heard the words before I didn't know what they meant.

"No, I'm not," I took his other hand, and he let me. I wanted to kiss him again, but maybe it was just that one time thing. I didn't know. If I had thought having Leonard as a boyfriend had its challenges I don't think I could imagine the challenges Sheldon would present.

"Good," he said, and he pulled his hands away.


End file.
